What’s your story of letting go? I know you have one, we all do. In fact, if you strain your brains, you might be able to extract many such stories from the book of your Life – some more challenging than the other. Or maybe you are in the middle of the process of letting go. Either way, you know how it tastes. But the question is – Are you an expert in letting go as yet? Does releasing what doesn’t serve you anymore has become a cup of tea already? Or do you still struggle with cutting off the ties, whenever needed?
Letting go is so embedded in our lives that it’s hard to image a life without it, yet every time we need to cut someone or something loose, we often end up asking ourselves – Why is it so hard to let go? It’s probably one of the hardest things we do, and not just once, we have to experience it time and again. We have to let go of people, places, things, sometimes we let go of our dreams and desires, and the list goes on.
What is it that makes it so difficult for us to get rid of something/someone? The answer is simple yet complicated. And may be we do know why, but I am going to attempt to make it cushier for you anyway.
Letting go is so onerous because of the familiarity we share with a certain situation, place or a person. This familiarity gives us the sense of certainty and comfort, and we love that zone we call – the comfort zone, don’t we? The longer we stay in there, the more it becomes a part of our identity, and not knowing anything beyond that zone becomes scary. So, we cling to that place with all our might, because that’s all we know. Why do you think people continue to stay with an abusive partner (it can be any kind of abuse – emotional, physical or psychological) or that workplace where they don’t feel fulfilled or valued?Let’s accept it – We don’t like change!
Everyone has their own theories about what works best in such circumstances, there are always talks about how to let go. Chances are you might have even read about it on the internet. But do you have a comprehensive list of what works best for you or might work for you?
Here, let’s talk about that today. Let me tell you what has worked for me and what, I have seen, has worked for the people around me:
1. Remember – We Can Get Used To Anything:
If you get terrified imagining your life without someone or you keep refusing to leave a certain organization, because you would lose your friends, and that it will be uncomfortable starting all over again at a new place, begin by telling yourself that humans have this amazing potential to adapt to almost anything. No matter how arduous it might appear in the beginning, you will always adjust to your new situation in the end. Always! We do get used to of not having a specific person around, in time, just like we eventually do get comfortable at a new workplace too. So, next time you feel you are losing your footing, iterate this fact to yourself – it’ll calm you down.
2. No Contact:
This bolsters the above point in some manner. Creating distance from the person you need to let go of does help in almost most of the situations. The proverb –“ Out of Sight Out of Mind” isn’t a proverb for no reason. Without discussing the psychology behind it, let’s put it this way – The longer we go without being in touch with someone, the more comfortable we get with their absence. Try it, it does work!
3. Brining The Focus To Yourself:
Letting go becomes a little easier when we shift the focus from them to us. When we make the whole situation not about others but about ourselves. Taking time out to plan our life/future, chalking out a fitness regime, planning on that side hustle, connecting with friends, learning something new – I mean, there is so much that we all need to work on, when it comes to our personal development. Why waste time? As they say – Do you, boo!
4. Closure Is Overrated:
Closure has been a buzzword forever, but I don’t advocate it. The truth is, we never really get it. Yes, it’s better to close cycles, phases, and connections with some clarity, but don’t put your life on hold if you don’t get to. Closure doesn’t change things anyway, nor does it guarantee peace. What does guarantee your transformation and evolution is getting clear about what and how YOU feel about a certain situation – try to sit with it and the answers will come to you eventually, and THAT will bring closure too!
Letting go is not something that happens overnight, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You will always have people suggesting – you shut the door on the people and things, and just carry on with your life – but those are the most insensitive and unrealistic opinions right there. I won’t even suggest you to think positive, because that will be a total waste.
Just know that letting go is more like a personaljourney than a destination, and journeys take time. How long? Well, it’s hard to say – all of us are unique individuals, and so is the way we feel and experience things. But you will be there eventually and when you do reach there, it’s going to be a liberating experience for your soul – setting you free again! Open you arms, close your eyes, take a deep breath – Happy Letting Go!